So I feel weird as hell now about sharing my life with people online (not that anything too crazy happens it just feels weird as hell telling people especially online friends that I don't know as much or whatever about things) but I just wanted to say some things or whatever. I've just felt like I've been posting so much of my life for the world to see and this shit has lowkey come back to haunt me in some ways. For a few years now I haven't really wanted or focused on the idea of being famous at all (unlike 9th grade/ 15 year old me who wanted fame on Tiktok so bad) and for the time period where I did have tiktok (I deleted it like 1 month ago some areas of it are great but I just couldn't take it anymore and I wanted this to be the first step in just simply moving away from social media) I ended up archiving the few videos I made that got around over 10,000 views. This may sound silly but oh my god I'm just terrified of fame because I'd absolutely crumble under the spotlight, even moderate amounts of fame.

Another aspect I'm tired of is how Instagram has me re-evaluating my entire friendships in ways I don't want my brain to be doing. Like someone I haven't spoken to in a while will unfollow me and my brain will immediately get defensive and not actually think about how they're someone from my high school/previous college that's far away and I will probably never speak to them again. Or the fact that they very likely don't even hate me (because an unfollow doesn't mean someone usually hates your guts now at least from my experience sometimes) because let's be real no one is focused on hating my irrelevant self. And besides this whole connection of "oh they unfollowed me or didn't follow me back they must hate me" only leads to experiences where if you see this person, even if they're chill, you'll just feel weird about talking towards them or maybe even hate them when maybe, just maybe, they're also interested in getting to know you more . Or the cases where you've met them once before at a concert/show or party but they were drunk or high so they forgot who you are.

11/6/2024 |On this fuckass election

Oh wow has been this a dumpsterfire. We all know the republicans are their own nightmare and all the shit they will do but at the same time it doesn't help that the democrats have been pandering to right wingers and there's essentially not much we can do now but organize, form networks, mutual aid, keep our communities connected and safe, etc. Idk how I can keep going but I'll try. Fuck this political system this hasn't been working